Inspirational Stories

The Experience of Hospice

Some years ago I used to drive past North Shore Hospice and think what a wonderful place it must be. The gardens were always beautiful and I felt that there must have been exceptional and dedicated people that worked there. Little did I know that a few years later our family would be using some of the services that North Shore Hospice offered.

Life was great for my husband and I and our three children up until early 1999. 1999 bought us the devastating news that my husband Ken (aged 51 at the time) was terminally ill with liver cancer.

Ken had had no symptoms to alert us of his secondary cancer. The week Ken was diagnosed was a blur of Ultrasounds, CAT scans and Biopsies. Trying to come to terms with the knowledge that a loved one has incurable cancer is extremely traumatic and all of a sudden the dreams you may have had for the future are “blown out the window ”. Trying to support our children (aged 17,15 and 12) in the knowledge that they would soon lose their father was terribly difficult.

Ken’s diagnosis meant that treatment was not going to improve his quality of life so we decided to make some short-term plans. Financial and legal affairs were put in order so that after Ken died he knew that those details would not be an ordeal I would have to go through. He wrote his Life’s Story and this makes wonderful reading. We decided to take a trip to the South Island so that Ken could say goodbye to our many friends (Ken spent his teenage years in Christchurch) and show the children that part of the country. Eight action packed full days in Christchurch and Canterbury left us exhausted but happy. Ken kept very well at this stage.

We went to the South Island in the knowledge that we were prepared for any medical problems. We were at this point, part of the Hospice programme and having fortnightly visits by the Hospice Community Palliative Care Nurses. They made sure we had medication with us that Ken might require.

The Community Palliative Care Nurses were the most amazing people. Their professionalism, caring and emotional support for our family was tremendous. One particular nurse was very special. Ken and I thought she was wonderful. She enriched our lives with her practical and emotional support. At this point I must also pay tribute to the In Patient Unit nurses who gave me encouragement and advice over the phone, sometimes in the middle of the night! I will be forever grateful for the support that all these nurses gave to our family during that distressing part of our lives.

With the help of Hospice Ken’s pain, apart from a couple of incidences, was kept under control with a cocktail of medications. He had a fighting spirit, seldom complained and I think that is why he survived for two years following his initial diagnosis.

Being at home for the entire duration of his illness (Ken was never an in patient in the North Shore Hospice) apart from two admissions to North Shore Hospital. It was really important to him and our family. He wanted to be with his family and the Hospice nurses made that possible.

The last six months were very difficult for us as a family as Ken’s condition deteriorated. I gave up my work as a nurse in ICU at Greenlane Hospital to look after him and that was a very meaningful and precious time for the children and myself. Practical help from relatives and friends certainly helped during that period. The last few days of a loved one ’s life are really hard on those caring for them. However I was well supported by the Hospice. The day Ken passed away the Hospice nurse was in our home virtually all day. She was in contact with Dr Brian Ensor, trying to make things easier for us and providing medication for Ken.

During Ken’s illness, which was extremely emotionally draining for both Ken and myself, I found talking to the Hospice Counsellor very helpful and following Ken ’s death being able to talk to someone who was not family, was of great benefit in those very painful and distressing days. I subsequently joined a Hospice support group of young Bereaved people who had lost partners and found that very beneficial. The knowledge that they had gone through a similar bereavement to my own and the mutual understanding of what we were all going through was comforting.

I know that some of the times that we went through and endured will strike a chord with many present and past Hospice patients and their families.

It is two years since my husband passed away. The pain of losing Ken is still there but I am learning to live with it. I have left the support group now but my association with North Shore Hospice continues. Last year I completed the Nursing Post Graduate certificate in Hospice/Palliative Care and later on this year I hope to do some volunteer work at the Hospice.

I want to be able to return some of the help that the Hospice gave so lovingly and willingly to our family during a particularly distressing part of our lives.

Judith Matthews