Inspirational Stories

Hospice Helps Young Family

Claire and Brian Kemp with their son Alex, taken a couple of weeks before Claire's death

Fun-loving, warm and generous, Claire Kemp died at the age of only thirty-six after losing her battle with cancer. Her husband Brian, and their four-year-old son, Alex now face the reality of their first Christmas without her.

Both from the UK, Brian first met Claire at the local pub. ‘I’d been going there for years and she just turned up. It was luck that we met,’ says Brian. The pub was near the Tower of London and Brian remembers fondly the long walks they used to take by the River Thames. They married in May 1996 and moved to New Zealand in December 1999 after the birth of their son Alex.

‘We moved here for Alex. It would be a hard life to bring him up over there. We didn’t have family here but Claire had some friends in New Zealand and we thought it was a great place to be.’

With a background in the UK in customer service and office management, after her move to New Zealand Claire used her organizational skills by running the playgroup at St Mary’s. She also taught horse riding at Long Bay.

Claire had first been diagnosed with cervical cancer when she was in the UK after a routine smear test. ‘She had an operation and was given the all clear,’ says Brian. ‘It was only after we’d had Alex that the cancer came back.’

‘After we came to New Zealand, she started getting pains in her stomach. So she went to see a specialist and he diagnosed that she had cancer again and performed a full hysterectomy and operated on her bowel. She had the operation in September and she started chemo, but she didn’t like the chemo. She tried many alternative therapies, but the prognosis wasn’t good. She went to see another specialist at the hospital, I can’t remember his name, but I always think of him as "Dr Death." He told her she only had six months to live.’

‘At that stage we weren’t getting any help from the hospital. They really didn’t want to know about us because she wasn’t doing very well. All they would say is chemo, you have to do chemo. And that was it. But Claire didn’t want to do the chemo at this stage. She didn’t want to lose her hair - didn’t want the sickness. She wanted to go out with a bit of dignity.

’Claire began to suffer severe pain. ‘I took her down to the emergency room at the hospital one night as she was in so much pain,’ says Brian. ‘The doctor had given her something for her pain, but it really wasn’t working. That’s when we were referred to hospice.’

‘The Hospice definitely made a difference to us. They were really brilliant. I got to spend quality time with Claire and they got her pain under control.’

Claire went into the Hospice In Patient Unit in July and Hospice became a second home for Claire and her family during the following three months. Brian doesn’t know how they would have coped without their help. ‘If Hospice wasn’t there she would have just gone into hospital and she wouldn’t have come out. And hospitals aren’t very personal. Hospice is good because it treats people so well. Claire got to see all of her friends anytime she wanted and Alex and I went down there all the time to be with her. It was a lot more flexible than a hospital. The staff were very helpful with Alex and the people are really friendly.’

Since Claire’s death in September, Brian and Alex are taking life one day at a time. Alex seems to be coping with his mother’s death. ‘I’ve sat down and explained it to Alex. He knew that his mum was sick. He’s not too bad. He has questions sometimes, so I sit him down and we go through things. I don’t hide anything from him.’

‘We don’t have any plans for Christmas. I haven’t got that far yet. I went to a party the other weekend – a thirtieth birthday - and I found that quite difficult. Christmas will be hard.’

‘Someone phoned up for her the other night and that was really quite difficult too. And I still haven’t got around to changing the answerphone.’

Brian has been doing some work from home since Claire went into Hospice, but is hoping to go back to work full-time next year. ‘I will just need to find someone to look after Alex a couple of hours each day when he starts morning kindy next year.’

Alex interrupts the interview to tell his dad that it’s now his time to talk. Brian smiles. ‘Alex is a very busy little boy. He’s got kindy, he does swimming, although he hasn’t quite mastered swimming on top of the water, he’s very good underneath. He loves the hot pools and the water slides. And he enjoys horses -just like his mother did.’