Inspirational Stories

Brave and Courageous to the End

Diagnosed with lung cancer in July 2001, Martin Phillipps died on 8 February 2002, one month short of his forty-sixth birthday after a courageous battle with the illness. His wife, Anita, remembers a strong and brave man who lived his life fully to the very end.

Martin and I were work colleagues for two years before romance blossomed. During 1995 the company went through restructuring and both Martin and I decided to move on. Martin took this opportunity to take up a position as Managing Director of a trust company for a large law firm in Bermuda and we were married there in 1996. We enjoyed an idyllic lifestyle for four wonderful years and travelled extensively.

When Martin’s contract finished at the end of 1999 we returned to New Zealand. Martin applied for several positions overseas, but these all went to ‘Johnny on the spot.’ Because this kept happening I felt there must be a reason we were remaining in New Zealand, never dreaming that Martin was going to be diagnosed with lung cancer. He discovered a lump in his neck which he thought was muscular. We had been swimming three times a week at the Takapuna pool. When the lump did not disappear after massage he decided to consult with his doctor, who immediately sent him for a chest x-ray and blood tests.

The following day (24 July 2001) we were summoned to the doctor’s surgery where we were given the bad news. We were both numb. What followed was an appointment with a respiratory specialist at North Shore Hospital and then an appointment with an oncologist at Auckland Hospital. The cancer was inoperable. Radiation and chemotherapy were not really an option, although Martin did have a couple of sessions in October and December for what was hoped to be some containment of the cancer for a time.

Martin, being fairly young and fit, continued to be quite well and was happy to be under his doctor’s care. Around the beginning of October he started to experience severe pain. The doctor’s nurse had mentioned several times that hospice was very good at pain control, but the old myth that people only go there to die was strong in Martin’s mind and he was not going to have anything to do with it. However, one weekend it all became too much so I contacted hospice and a nurse called to our home. We were unable to contact Martin’s GP because it was the weekend, so they arranged for him to go into North Shore Hospital. Martin was not happy in hospital and later that evening wanted to come home.

That was the beginning of our relationship with North Shore Hospice. On 22 November Martin’s pain became severe and he was admitted into hospice for pain control. He was there for eight days and a scan revealed a secondary tumour in this chest wall, which was destroying the ribs.

I cannot speak highly enough of the doctors, nurses and everyone associated with hospice. The care and attention were of the highest level. Martin and I felt very secure and safe as we were given twenty-four hour phone contact and if things became too bad a nurse was never too far away to visit Martin at home. Although both Martin and I were given an inner strength from somewhere, neither of us would have been able to get through this terrible time without the help of the hospice staff. They were always there for us. They were kind and patient and nothing was ever too much trouble.

Over the New Year period, we managed to get away up north for a few days with friends. Although Martin was very unwell, he managed to get dressed up and we all went out to dinner on New Year’s Eve.

Martin was so strong and brave and never complained, but at the end of January he was admitted back into hospice as the cancer had progressed to his liver and possibly his brain. The most amazing thing for me was that I was able to stay in with him and help with his care. This meant so much to both of us as Martin and I were soul mates with a very strong bond.

When he came home again a week later, he was eating like a bird, but then one day he wanted me to take him out for lunch to the Venison Kitchen in Devonport. I was amazed. Even though he was still very much on his feet, I bundled the wheelchair which was lent by the hospice into the car, gave him a nausea tablet and off we went. He ordered the Ultimate Burger, which was absolutely huge. He hated me fussing, but let me cut it up for him. He ate quite a bit and enjoyed what he had.

The next day was Waitangi Day and his mother and his sister Julia came for lunch. He sat up at the table and managed to eat a little. Julia and I decided to leave him with his mother and they talked for a good hour.

The following day, he deteriorated considerably. I telephoned hospice and a nurse came to our home. As hospice was full at this time, we decided that I would manage him at home. After conferring with the hospice doctor we increased the medication and I kept in close contact with the nursing staff. We managed to get through the night, but on the morning of Friday 8 February, things became very bad and the Hospice arranged an ambulance.

I followed and when I arrived at hospice they had him settled in bed and a nurse was massaging his hand. I was given a cup of tea and a volunteer came and massaged my shoulders and feet. Martin became very restless and wanted to get out of bed, so they put him in a lazy boy chair. When his breathing became difficult, a nurse settled me by his side, kneeling on a pillow. She gently stroked my back as I talked to him of our wonderful times together and our love. I know he could hear me because there were little indications of a smile or acknowledgment. Although he fought to the end and didn’t want to leave, when another nurse gently put her hand on his shoulder and told him to ‘go to the light’ he suddenly became very peaceful and moments later he passed away.

I felt this was extremely spiritual. Later, when another nurse told me that his body would be treated the same in death as in life and that the room would not be disturbed again that day to allow his spirit time to leave, I felt a deep sense of gratitude to these special people.

Recently I have been going to the hospice counselling and support group and this has been tremendously helpful to me. I had eight wonderful years with a very special man, not long enough, but what we shared together will always be held in my heart. I thank everyone from North Shore Hospice who was involved in Martin’s care from the bottom of my heart.