Inspirational Stories

Hospice Help Makes A Difference

Married for 44 years, Ron’s beloved wife Mary died in January 2005 after a battle with cancer. With the help of hospice, Ron was able to care for Mary in their home and he is thankful for their invaluable support.

‘We discovered that Mary had ovarian cancer about two and a half years ago,’ says Ron. ‘She had two rounds of chemotherapy and the oncologist was contemplating a third cycle, but by then Mary’s cancer had progressed to a point where it was going to be dangerous to continue with chemotherapy.’

The oncologist recommended that Mary should now look at palliative care with the assistance of hospice and Mary’s GP. He would also stay on board. Ron and Mary first met nursing staff from the hospice in their home in July 2004.

‘The nursing staff paid a visit and told us what we could expect from them. The introductory talk was absolutely brilliant. It was so relaxed; we were just sitting in our lounge. They made us feel very at ease with everything. At no time was there any anxiety or feeling of loss of control.’

Ron believes that Mary had a quality of life that was as good as could be expected with the symptoms caused by cancer thanks to the hospice’s care and support.

‘Mary’s quality of life was enhanced by hospice. They made it so much easier for Mary and me day-to-day, hour-to-hour. Usually when dealing with organisations they say you can contact us anytime and you know darn well that you are going to get an answer phone. That never happened with the hospice. They’ve got people there 24 hours a day.

‘The nurses would ring and ask how Mary was getting on. Then as Mary’s illness gathered impetus their attention grew at the same rate. They knew what was happening. They had been down that road. We hadn’t. They held our hand.’

Ron is full of praise of the way hospice helped manage Mary’s symptoms of pain and nausea.

‘They were on top of the symptoms along the way. Their idea was to stop pain and give Mary quality of life. They didn’t want to dope Mary up so much that she didn’t have any quality. It was a fine act. Mary initially took tablets, but they didn’t work quickly enough. So the hospice changed her over to a syringe driver. It went on and then came off as Mary was feeling good. But the nurses always said there would come a point when she would have it on all the time – and that happened just before Christmas.’

As well as coming into their home to help Ron care for Mary, the hospice also provided the family with counselling.

‘Unfortunately Mary went into a depression but a counsellor from hospice came to see her and she listened and she helped. I had some counselling after Mary had died. It was tough, but good. My daughters also had counselling. They found it helpful to different degrees.’

Providing a circle of care that included the palliative nurses, palliative doctors, Mary’s GP and the oncologist, Mary was cared for by a group of specialists whilst terminally ill.

‘We had a circle of people working together to help Mary. They made the important point that caregivers were so important in that chain and they had to look after them. The hospice nurses kept saying do you want Mary to come in to give you a break? I said, no, I was fine. But I felt I would have taken up on their offer if I needed to. I did when the time came, I didn’t hesitate. I cared for Mary at home; she didn’t have to go into the in-patient unit until the last three days. By then the hospice nurses thought she needed more specialised care.’

Ron and his two daughters found the written information they had been given about death was immensely helpful as they kept vigil around Mary’s bed over these last three days.

‘They gave us information to read about how death happens. That was very useful as certain sounds and things like not recognising people are all part of that process. It made such a difference to think – oh, I’ve read about that. You also find you are looking for other signs that don’t happen as they don’t happen to everybody. It was very reassuring for me – it was comforting to know that things were normal.’

When Mary died, Ron and his daughters were holding hands. Afterwards the hospice cared for Mary right through to the end.

‘They prepared Mary and she looked beautiful. She was peacefully lying there and she looked lovely. We decided we would not go and view Mary again as this last memory was so wonderful.

‘The hospice is brilliant. I don’t know how we would have coped without their help.’