Inspirational Stories

The Journey from Grieving to Supporting

Guy Blackmore has experienced first hand the amazing support that North Shore Hospice provides families during incredibly difficult times. Fifteen years ago Guy’s wife Kathy was diagnosed with head and neck cancer. At that time, they had to face not only the difficulty of Kathy’s deteriorating health, but also the reality of their four children losing their mother, leaving Guy to raise them on his own.

Guy was overwhelmed by the caring and professional support Kathy and the family received from North Shore Hospice.

“All the Doctors and nurses were fantastic – nothing was too much trouble”. But that wasn’t the same experience with other Agencies. “Finding out where, or if, we could get extra support during these incredibly difficult times only added further stress to the family – we just didn’t need it.” said Guy

After Kathy’s death, Guy focussed on working through the family’s loss and supporting his children. Guy also made a conscious decision to help ensure that other families could have the support that he found so difficult to find from outside agencies. He spent the next four years, along with bringing up his young family, completing a Bachelor of Social Work so he could work within the Palliative Care area. He also completed a Certificate in Counselling. Guy now works at the North Shore Hospice and has been a Social Worker/Counsellor for the last 18 months.

Guy’s first hand experience has helped him understand the difficulty of living with a terminal illness and the increasing financial and emotional pressures that families face. For many working couples the reality of dropping down to one income becomes a daunting prospect. Many partners The Journey from Grieving to Supporting also want to be able to care for their loved one so will need to take a break from, or give up, their own work to stay home when they become increasingly ill. Plus there can be the added expenses of additional nursing care (ie. moving into a resthome for full time medical care, or part time nursing at home), medication, equipment, travel, dietary needs, etc.

Guy talks through all these concerns with patients, their Carers and families as well as advising them of agencies they could approach. These may include WINZ, budgeting services, benefits they could apply for and other options like foodbanks. Sometimes it is just a matter of being there to listen to their concerns.

Guy strives to minimise the day to day stresses that families may face while they come to terms with terminal illness or are caring for their loved ones. Guy remembers one family where the wife was caring for her husband at home. “She was aware that as his health deteriorated she would struggle to give him the care he required. Their adult children really wanted to be able to grant their father his wish of dying at home, so they all talked things through with me. The children decided that they would help their mother by breaking the days into shifts which would ensure that one of them was always there to help care for their father, plus they had other family members available to help when needed.” Guy also spent time discussing other concerns his wife had about the coming weeks and organised for specialised lifting equipment for the family.

“For many of the North Shore Hospice’s older patients, especially when they have no family support, the Family Support Team can support and direct them with their individual needs and requirements.“

In many instances Guy does not meet the individual patients and their families, but offers support and advice to the nursing team. He regularly attends their meetings where the nurses will ask him to assist families with assessing benefits and support that they may be entitled to.

As Guy says, in his role he supports the patients and their families, looks at the individual needs and the best way they can be catered for and plays his part in helping to make each day the best day possible for our patients and their families.