Inspirational Stories

Giving and Receiving Hospice Help

Caring and outgoing, Gloria Dam has taken the heartbreak of losing Moni, her husband of 44 years, and she has turned it into something positive. After Moni’s death in January 2004, Gloria has been volunteering for the North Shore hospice. Her motivation? Simply wanting to give back when the hospice had done so much for her, her husband and her family.

Moni first knew he had lung cancer in January 2003 and he was told he would probably live up to a year. The hospice approached the family some months after being diagnosed, but Moni didn’t want to have anything to do with them.

‘He was very scared to go into hospice,’ said Gloria. ‘He had it in his mind that if you go into hospice then you don’t come out – so he didn’t want to go there. However, in mid-December he had an infection in his arm and he was in hospital for two nights. After that the hospital said that they couldn’t do anything more for him, and they transferred him to hospice.’

Naturally, with Moni’s negative mindset towards hospice he wasn’t happy with being moved there – although he was a little placated when Gloria was easily able to stay in the room with him, where this had been a difficult option for the couple when he was in hospital.

‘I was worried that once he was in hospice, that he would think to himself – well, I'm in hospice now, so I'll just give up. At the time, the hospice staff thought he only had a few days to live, he was so ill – but after four days he suddenly woke up and asked for a cup of tea.’

While in hospice, Gloria became well-known for the omelettes she made for Moni. He asked if she could make them instead of the staff, as she knew the way he liked them.

‘Moni is Indian, so he liked his omelette’s on the spicy side. He liked his eggs with chopped up onion, chilli powder and turmeric – but the hospice staff were very happy for me to do the cooking so he could have his eggs the way he liked it. They were really wonderful about everything. We also wanted to know every bit of medicine that they were giving him. He didn’t want any more morphine than what he needed, and they were fine with this also.’

Moni’s condition improved to the point where the hospice staff asked him on the 23 December if he would like to go home for Christmas.

‘He couldn’t believe he was actually going home! And do you know, once he was home, all he could say was what a lovely place hospice is. It was a hundred percent turn-around in attitude. And then he started worrying that they were doing so much for him and he felt he should be paying. Moni came home for Christmas and the hospice supplied the bed, the oxygen, the wheelchair, the commode and everything that he needed.’

With Moni now at home, the family drew on each other and hospice to provide the care he needed. A hospice nurse came every day to help the family and to check on Moni and his medications.

‘When Moni became sick at the beginning of December, our son Robin came from England with his wife Seshnee. Our two daughters Lisa and Rebecca also stopped work from then so that they could all spend quality time with their dad during his last weeks. We took it in turns, including Lisa’s partner David, to make sure Moni had someone with him at all times 24 hours a day. Sometimes it would be just one of us and sometimes we were all there.’

The family celebrated Moni’s last Christmas amidst lots of tears and laughter.

‘At the hospice the girls put a Christmas tree in his room and decorated it with lights as well. I was walking towards his room one night and wondered what the noise was! The girls were sitting on the floor by the tree singing Christmas carols and Moni was sitting up in bed laughing and watching them. He was so happy! Apart from when he was really sick, I think this time was one of the best he could have had.’

‘We all think the hospice is wonderful. When we brought Moni home hospice was only a phone call away when we needed them night or day. It gave us great peace of mind. While at the hospice they never once complained about us all being in the room or the noise we sometimes seemed to make. We tried to make Moni’s last days a happy time and we laughed a lot with him.’

‘The doctors and nurses that work in the hospice are very special people. Not only are they caring towards the patients, but they also worry about and care for the family. Our nurse that came to visit Moni when he was at home couldn’t have done any more for us. Nothing was too much trouble.’

‘On Moni’s last day, the nurse and the doctor came to see him and gave him extra medication to make him more comfortable. He died later that night.’

Moni died at home on January 13th at the age of 81. At his funeral the family asked for donations for the North Shore hospice.

‘Rebecca made a big box to take to the funeral and she wrote across the front, “All donations gratefully received for the North Shore hospice.” She left it in the front of the chapel. With what we and other family members and friends put in we had $900 in the end. We gave it to the hospice, and this became the fountain in the middle of the courtyard. There is a little placard on it saying, “For Moni Dam, from his friends and family.”’

Gloria now volunteers in the hospice kitchen. She also has plans to do more volunteer work in the future.

‘I volunteer in the kitchen every Tuesday morning. I do anything that needs to be done in the kitchen and I take meals to the patients. I just like being at hospice and helping. I’ve recently completed a community visitor’s course at hospice, so when I'm ready, I will be able to go out and visit people in their homes and give carers a respite. I just want to help at hospice because they helped my family so much when we needed them.’