Inspirational Stories

"I was beginning to do better, I thought I was doing better, but a few days ago the holidays just hit me".

- Widow, contemplating her first Christmas alone.

Can you believe that it's almost Christmas? Do you ever wonder where the year has gone? I know that for me it has been a very busy one at Hospice.

My name is Maxine Pye and I am responsible for leading the Family Support team at Hospice. It's a wonderful job and it is a privilege that so many people who share their stories with us get support from our team as grief can be so overwhelming.

About now many of us start to think about Christmas with loved ones. We start Christmas shopping, writing Christmas cards to friends and family and planning the celebrations. For those who have lost a family member during the year, life has changed forever and the approaching festive season can be a time when the level of grief often increases. It can all feel far too difficult. They know they will never again have the type of Christmas they have had. The whole period which is supposed to be a period of joy and celebration is more likely to be a very difficult time which is 'endured'. The comment above reminded me yet again that grief is never far away especially for those who have nursed a loved one this year, watched them die, and then be required to carry on with life.

A surviving partner recently reminded me how Christmas time is tough for the recently bereaved, but also how many cope. He said:

"I know this will be a hard season for me. I will take one day at a time. I will acknowledge when grief hovers close. And I will try to be open to times when happiness may surprise me, too"

I have worked with several families with young children this year who have lost their mother, their wife, their father or their husband, and I know some will have enormous difficulty commemorating the first Christmas without their loved one. It will be a difficult balancing act keeping the day as much fun as possible for the children while also recognising everything has changed and that their Mummy or Daddy isn't there.

The one thing all the 500 families who have lost a loved one in Hospice care this year, and those who are living with a terminal illness can depend on, is that we will be here for them in the lead up to Christmas and beyond. And of course, that is only possible because of our generous supporters.

My team (Family Support) receives little funding from the District Health Board and is therefore especially reliant on donations. The communities generosity really does make a difference to the many people in ways you may never know.

Perhaps you know someone who has lost a loved one this year and you are unsure how you can help them through the Christmas season? Below are a few suggestions that might help you and them.

5 Suggestions for Coping:

1. Keep in contact. Don't think that they don’t want to hear from you. It only needs to be a phone call to say you are thinking of them.
2. There is no right or wrong way to deal with Christmas Day. Some will choose to continue with family traditions while others will prefer new or different undertakings. Either is perfectly fine.
3. People may react or express themselves differently, which doesn't mean they're not grieving.
4. Remember that sadness and happiness do not cancel each other out. It is important for all of us to be able to laugh as well as cry. Laughter/happiness may feel like a betrayal of their loss, but it is unlikely that their loved one would want them to remain unhappy.
5. It is likely that their feelings of loss will be heightened at a time like this. Let them know you are there for them and be a listening ear if needed. Let them talk about their loved one.

Although these are challenging times, would you be in a position to consider making a Christmas donation of $15 or $25 that can be put towards our counselling, social work and family support services during the Christmas period? Click here to make a donation.

On behalf of all the staff at North Shore Hospice we hope you have a lovely Christmas with your family and friends.