Inspirational Stories

Death and dying - part of life

Gabrielle Prince is a woman who sparkles with spirit and life, despite the fact that she is terminally ill and is aware she has weeks, maybe months, left to live. 60 years old, she was diagnosed with breast cancer more than seven years ago. A double mastectomy and several rounds of chemotherapy later, Gabrielle is now making the most of time with her family with the help of Hospice.

'The hospice is wonderful, but I must admit I was pretty alarmed when I first considered getting hospice help,' said Gabrielle.

'I thought hospice was where you went for the last week of your life - I thought of hospice in the same way you would the last rites. And when I initially thought about hospice, I had cancer but I wasn't at death's door, so I was saying thank you but no thank you.'

But when she was unable to get the pain under control after a round of chemotherapy, a girlfriend finally convinced her to get in touch with her local hospice.

'It was the best thing I've done. They are the experts in palliative care - and they know how to control pain better than anyone else can. I phoned them up and they said they needed a referral from my doctor, but they quickly sorted everything out for me so I could go on their books and they got my pain under control.

Before that I was really concerned that I was so sleepy from the amount of morphine I was taking. I thought this is ridiculous;I might as well just go to sleep permanently! They put me straight on to patches and then I didn't need to take morphine pills. Three weeks later the pain was out of control again, but they just spent some time balancing the medication. They have been marvellous.'

As well as managing her pain relief, the Hospice has gone out of its way to address other symptoms.

'I've had other symptoms like constipation. I felt it wasn't a big deal; that it was uncomfortable and I would get over it, but they said no, we can sort this for you - and they did.'

Gabrielle is impressed with the level of care and control that hospice gives her. 'People have always said this is your time, you can do what you want - but you actually can't.

There are huge limitations with what you can do, both financially and health-wise, but Hospice is constantly asking me what is going to make me happy. How would I like to see this and this done? It is hugely empowering. I feel special. I feel listened to. I feel supported. It has been so nice. I'm greeted by name by people there.

So if the time comes and I decide to die at Hospice, I feel good about that decision. My husband Richard thinks I'll want to die at home, but I don't know how that will pan out - and I might decide later to change my mind. But the fact that I have the choice is important to me.'

While Gabrielle admits to having had some down days, she has taken an active interest in the process of being terminally ill; believing that dying is a natural part of life.

'I don't remember anything about being born, and I've lived a full life, so I am enjoying observing the lead up to my death - although I do worry about my family.

I think the family is having a lot more trouble than I am, and I have always believed that. I always think it is the caregivers who are worse off. I know that sounds strange from somebody who doesn't have a hell of a lot of time left. But it has been such a long time for the family to live with this.

I always thought it would be dreadful to be killed in a car accident as you wouldn't get the chance to say goodbye to everyone - but this has been nearly eight years now and it is always sitting on our shoulders. The hardest thing for me has been coming home after seeing the oncologist and saying to my husband, 'I'm sorry, but I'm in trouble again.' I might as well have got a cricket bat and hit him over the head. You might think you can prepare for what will happen, but you can't get your head around it.'

Hospice has been involved in providing help for the family as well as Gabrielle.

'As Richard saw me getting thinner and thinner, reality struck and I could see he didn't know how to deal with things. So the Hospice Family Support staff came and talked to him about the steps that are still to come and in that process he has been able to really get stuff out. It has also been really helpful for us as a couple.'

Gabrielle is pleased she has been able to spend a lot of time with her family since being diagnosed with cancer. She has a son and daughter-in-law who live in New York who came back to New Zealand for three years to live with them, and her daughter, son-in-law and two grandsons regularly visit from Palmerston North. Despite having to give up a career that has encompassed a variety of roles including starting up a radio station and working as a CEO attracting new business to the area, and the last 9 years with Metlifecare, Gabrielle has coped with being terminally ill by continuing to take risks and try out new things.

'I've been a member of a Dragon Boat Racing team made up of women with breast cancer. At first I was really reluctant to join the team as I've never done any sports in my life, but I was on the team for four seasons! I've never thought for one minute that I was competitive, but now I have several gold medals, a silver and a bronze.'

Gabrielle has also turned her hand to art, and recently held an art exhibition where she sold her work, where proceeds from sales went to North Shore Hospice. A brave and courageous woman, Gabrielle is facing this new stage of her life with dignity and incredible spirit, with Hospice quietly walking alongside her on this journey.

Karen McMillian.