Inspirational Stories

Terminally ill, but facing the future with a positive spirit

There is not even the remotest hint of a 'poor me' attitude from Ann Peakman as she battles the final stages of cancer. Instead the 55 year old feels blessed that she has been able to have precious time with her children and husband after first finding a lump in her breast thirteen years ago and then having a second mastectomy a year later.

Ann remembers well the time when she was first diagnosed with breast cancer. 'All I was really concerned for was my children. We have four children - three boys and a girl - and when I was diagnosed my youngest child was only eight. No one can bring your children up the right way except you. We belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Later-day Saints and I really prayed hard to be able to bring up my children. So now I've had that wish, that blessing, as our youngest turned twenty-two last month. I've had my pleading honoured.'

Unfortunately for Ann the cancer came back, but hormone treatment kept it under control for a time. Ann and her husband, Glen, decided to go and do something just for them while she was well enough to travel. 'The children were big, so we packed up and went to Western Australia and we had time on our own. It was really great. Glen got a job in the mines and we went to Kalgoorlie and he learnt to drive the big diggers and we made new friends. We then lived in Perth for a while and that was also really good.' Over time the symptoms of Ann's cancer began getting worse, so she made the decision to return to her birthplace of Jersey, in the Channel Islands.

'I'd never been back, so I really needed to do that trip before I got any worse, while I could still travel. My three boys and I went to Jersey for five days, which was a miracle.' Shortly after that trip, Ann made the decision to return to New Zealand. 'My cancer wasn't being controlled by the chemotherapy tablets I was taking, so the next step was going to be taking intravenous drugs. But I thought I can't do that without the good network I have here in New Zealand. So I flew back and lived with my friend Suzanne, who is such a good friend, she has been there for me from word go. And Glen was able to carry on working in Western Australia.'

After an intensive round of chemotherapy Ann's lungs collapsed and the oncologists provided her with two options for the future - try another chemotherapy drug, or to have palliative care with the hospice. Ann decided on the palliative care option, although at first she was so ill she didn't think she would make it to Christmas.

'I was vomiting all the time and losing a lot of weight. So all my family came back and I thought this is it, I'm going to go soon. But I feel good about it. I'm ready. But then Hospice took charge of my medication and the doctor thought all the tablets I was on could be conflicting with each other, so he took three of the medications out. I also have epilepsy and diabetes, and some of the tablets were for ensuring that my arteries and eyes aren't affected as I age, but as I'm not going to have longevity there is no point taking them. So I'm now off the syringe driver and those extra drugs and I'm feeling much better. It has been a huge turn around from being on death's door to being relatively well.'

Ann is full of praise for the way Hospice has helped her.

'When I was on the syringe driver the nurse would come every day. Now they don't need to visit as often, but they are only a phone call away if I need anything which is wonderful peace of mind for me and my family. I've got a wheelchair from Hospice, which is great because I can't walk long distances without getting very puffed. I may look well, but I don't have the same energy levels I used to have. They are such lovely people at Hospice. I've got to know them all and they are just like friends. They always take time to sit and chat when they visit, and they are now like part of the family. They are very special nurses - they must have a calling to do the work they do.'

Ann intends to go to Hospice at the end, as she doesn't want her family burdened by the care she will need. 'They have the provisions to have my family there. My husband is Maori, so they have whanau support. I don't want my family to have to worry about four hourly shifts and things like that during the last few days, so they will be able to be with me while I have professional care. It is very empowering that I have the choice of what I want at the end. I've arranged my funeral and I've designed my own casket.'

Thanks to the efforts of Hospice, Ann now has extra time to enjoy before she dies - something she sees as a blessing and also a problem.

'I was ready to die, but then there was a big turnaround and I thought, "What now?" I've had to reset my goals. I would like to use this extra time to tell my life story, and I want to put all my photos on a CD with backing music. I want to use this time to organise bits and pieces.

'I must add this situation is much better than being hit by a bus. If you get hit by a bus your family will say, "Mum left this morning and never said goodbye." At least this way I get the chance to say good bye to everyone.'

Karen McMillian.